Lamaze childbirth education - A must for smiling in tears

Entry for The Push for your Baby Blog writing contest, sharing childbirth story in 700 words: http://www.lamaze.org/p/bl/et/blogaid=72  After it, you can find the extended original version.
 

Lamaze childbirth education

A must for smiling in tears

Unfortunately, the first time I couldn´t find professionals or preparation courses that supported natural delivery. Even though, they were experienced, skilled, ethical and favored vaginal birth, they couldn´t understand that I wanted to “refuse” the epidural. They discouraged and frighten me: “It´s unnecessary to suffer if you can avoid it!”

I`m almost positive that the midwife broke my water, accelerating the process that had already begun without any complication! I just needed more time! I lost my self-confidence, so I kind of donated myself to the “specialists who knew more”. I got the epidural, not only crying, scratching and pinching the midwife, but scolded by her because I was moving! I remember shaking a lot, I couldn`t control my body or even speak. She jumped over me several times to “help the baby”. Postpartum was really difficult: nonstop crying baby, episiotomy plus an infection and hemorrhoids.

For some months, I was convinced that the midwife had done a great job, because it had been fast. Later, I had to accept that I`ve had a very traumatic childbirth. I had felt ignored, alone and unrespected, treated like an animal. All this affected a lot my motherhood experience and the first bond with my child.

The decision of getting pregnant again was tough, but thanks God it happened, because I was healed… Soul and mind. We moved from Spain to Mexico and this time I did everything I could to have a team that supported my decisions. My husband and I took Lamaze education and both, my gynecologist and the pediatrician believed in natural birth. It was very encouraging to listen: really, you can do it and it`s the best option, the healthiest and safest for you and your baby!

I´m convinced that natural birth accompanied by a team believing in it:

1.     Is more than “standing pain”. It´s a natural process that demands you to know and to believe in yourself, to listen to your body and soul in order to “letting it happen”.

2.   Isn´t an unnecessary suffering, but a meaningful pain with a tangible - huggable blessing coming. Every contraction gets you closer to hold your baby.

3.     Consents you to move freely and to decide.

4.     Allows you to help, proactively and in a personalized way, your baby to be born.

5.      Favors avoiding an episiotomy and reduces propensity to suffer hemorrhoids.

6.     Treats you as a person, looks after you and your needs. Pursues to motivate and to make you feel supported.

7.       Increases your self-esteem and makes your proud of yourself.  

8.       Postpartum is unbelievable, you feel great just after the baby`s born!

Labor and childbirth is like running for an Olympic medal, it demands to be a high performance athlete. There must be: conviction, team work, training, concentration, patience, confidence and sacrifices. During the process, you´ll experience paradoxical situations that will repeat when raising your kids:

1.     Uncertainty in the certainty, you can`t be sure how much time it´ll take, but you know it`ll come to an end.

2.        Sometimes you´ll doubt, but you´ll be surprised with the achievements.

3.       You´ll find yourself continuously smiling in tears.

I respect each women`s decision, but from my experience, I greatly encourage everyone to go for natural and leave the epidural and the c-section for when it`s really needed. Everybody should at least go once to Lamaze childbirth education, even if at the end you can`t have a natural birth or choose not to have it. The knowledge and experience received is worthy for life itself; for welcoming, bonding and educating your baby; for accepting and living motherhood and for uniting and strengthening the couple.

Finally, I`ll tell to new, expecting parents to believe in yourselves; know what you want and fight for it; and above all, love each other a lot and get used to teamwork because that`s what your child will need! You´ll discover that for your kids you can do more than you could have ever imagined and you`ll constantly experience happiness in a unique way! It`s true that your life won`t be the same never again and you`ll be always smiling in tears, some of pain and others of joy, but always smiling!



Versión extendida, sin reducir al límite de 700 palabras: 

 

Lamaze childbirth education

A must for smiling in tears

I´d like to start by thanking God for my two adorable girls that have changed my life180º, teaching me the truth about love, the value of life and time. Also, for the great husband with whom I`m walking through life, without him this side by side journey wouldn`t be the same and the girls wouldn`t be here.

Since I was young I was convinced that if I was blessed with biological motherhood I wanted to push for my babies. On one side, because of what I´ve heard of my cousin who took a psicoprofilactic childbirth course with her husband. In the other, I must confess that in those days, my strong conviction was greatly influenced by my panic of needles.

Unfortunately, the first time I faced pregnancy I couldn´t find neither professionals nor preparation courses that supported my wish to deliver without anesthesia. Even though, they were experienced, skilled, ethical and favored vaginal birth, they couldn´t understand that I wanted to “refuse” a modern invention like the epidural. In fact, they constantly questioned me: “what´s the point of suffering if you can avoid it? You`ll suffer unnecessarily!”.

After sharing with my gynecologist that I was deathly afraid of needles, he told me that if I wanted I could do it without anesthesia, but I´m sure that he really didn´t mean it. Actually, at birth time he only arrived for “catching and sewing”, because in Spain the midwife is the one responsible during labor (in fact, you get to know her by phone or if you`re lucky in a checkup between the 38^th and the 40^th week).

Almost till the last moment I kept the desire of pushing for my baby deep in my heart, I wanted to give a try. I had not find any support, but I had read a lot in internet, watched videos and I still thought that “maybe” I could “stand it”, although I knew that not even my husband liked the idea. 

When I first met the midwife working for my doctor, I told her about:

1.       My fear to needles and in consequence, my desire to try a natural delivery without anesthesia.

2.       My wish to let labor start by its own and to avoid episiotomy, if possible.

She “agreed”, but I knew that among other professionals she had a won a “title” on “fast births without pain” and that she didn´t like natural deliveries. As it can be presumed, she collaborated in discouraging and frightening me. For her it was a crazy idea, so she made clear how much suffering I`d have to bear.  Indeed, the first time I met her, she measured the contractions and told me that for sure I`d be having the baby that night, so immediately she offered to induce it. I told her not to do it and remind her that I wanted it to start naturally. The next week she did a second checkup and insisted…. As you can imagine, apart from the common uncertainties, worries and doubts any first-time-mom-to-be can have, I had no confidence in this woman.

The third time, I`m almost positive that she broke my water, accelerating the process that had already begun without any complication or need of induction! I just needed more time! She said it broke during “the touch”, but that day she had assisted four childbirths apart from mine and also it was her birthday. Maybe if she hadn´t told me that I could give her the benefit of the doubt, but that only confirmed that she wanted to go home to rest or celebrate, whatever…

It was June 21^st, in the afternoon I started labor, by 10pm we called the midwife because the contractions were becoming more intense and frequent. She urged us to go right away to the hospital, but I took a shower, so she phone called us in a scolding tone to ask why we hadn`t arrived yet.  When we were there, she broke my water. I started feeling much more pain, the contractions had been increasing progressively, but all of a sudden the intensity burst. I asked her about how much painful could it turn to be, her answer was: much, much more, I definitely wouldn`t go without the epidural and pressed that I should decide immediately if I wanted the it or not, threatening that the anesthetist wanted to go to bed. Also she told me that I seemed to be very nervous and stressed, therefore things would be complicated.

That was true, I was stressed, confused and feeling strong contractions, but that comment was the last thing I needed to listen. Afterwards, I asked my husband`s opinion and he told me: I´ll support any decision you take, but if you want my opinion, for me, suffering if you can avoid it, is nonsense. Anyway, I think that I had already lost my self-esteem and self-confidence  when she broke my water. At that point I kind of donate myself to the “specialists who knew more” than me. I got the epidural, not only crying, scratching and pinching the midwife, but scolded by her because when I felt it, I instinctively jumped, I was terribly anxious!

As it was presumed, everything happened very fast.  I remember shaking a lot, I couldn`t control my body or even speak, I was experiencing an earthquake inside me. The midwife jumped over me several times to “help” the baby, later I got to know that this procedure has a name, Kristeller and usually, it`s completely unnecessary.  In approximately 2-3 hours I was not only holding my baby, but laying in my hospital bedroom with a nonstop crying baby (this was really unexpected)!

The days after birth were really difficult, not only because of the crying baby, but because of the great pain the episiotomy caused, plus an infection that was starting, plus the huge hemorrhoids I`ve  gotten.  At that moment, when I compared the difficult postpartum days with the few stressed hours of birth time, one part of me thanked that the process had been over so quickly. Definitely for some months, I was convinced that the midwife had done a great job taking out the baby so fast. Later, I had to recognize and accept that I`ve had a very traumatic childbirth, that I had felt ignored, alone and unrespected, treated more like an animal than as a human being. Nowadays, I can affirm that all this affected a lot my motherhood experience and the first bond with my child.

After all this, the decision of getting pregnant again was a little bit tough, but thanks God it happened, because I was healed… Soul, mind, heart and body. We had to move from Spain to Mexico, so this time I did everything I could to have a team that supported my wish-decision. I was able to contact the doulas that had prepared my cousin and I took the psicoprofilactic lessons with my husband. Also both, my gynecologist and the pediatrician believed in natural births. It was very encouraging to listen from everybody`s mouths: really, you can do it and it`s the best option for you and your baby!, (unless something happened that required other procedures).

This time I knew they really mean it. I learnt and I´m convinced that natural birth accompanied by a team believing in it:

1.    Isn`t about being able to “stand pain”. It´s a natural process that demands you to know and believe in yourself, to get in contact and listen to your body and soul in order to “let it go” and make it happen.

2.   Isn´t an unnecessary suffering, but a meaningful pain with a tangible - huggable blessing coming out. Every contraction gets you closer to the finish line, to hold your baby.

3.    Consents you to move freely during labor and to decide how you want to give birth.

4.   Allows you to help, proactively and in a personalized way, your baby to be born in a healthiest and safest way.

5.     Favors avoiding an episiotomy and reduces propensity of hemorrhoids.

6.   Treats you as a personal human being, looks after you and your needs. Pursues to motivate, to make you feel accompanied and supported throughout the process by your husband/doula and the professionals, so you don`t have to feel alone carrying a heavy burden that surpasses your strength.

7.     Increases your self-esteem and makes your proud of yourself.  

8.     Postpartum is unbelievable, you feel great just after the baby`s born!

Labor and childbirth is like running for an Olympic medal, it demands to be a high performance athlete. There must be: conviction, team work, training, concentration, patience, confidence and sacrifices. During the process you´ll experience paradoxical situations:

1.      Uncertainty in the certainty, you can`t be sure how much time it will take, but you know it will come to an end.

2.         Sometimes you´ll doubt but you´ll be surprised of what you can achieve.

3.         You´ll find yourself continuously smiling in tears.

And believe me, all this three paradoxes are also experienced when raising your kids, so it`s like an intensive preparation for what`s coming. I`m convinced that natural birth is the best option, the healthiest and safest for you and the baby. My husband, who still would prefer, “fast and without pain”, he itself says that if we have a third kid, he`d like that we go natural and promotes it as the best option even though it implies pain and patience.

Obviously I respect each women`s decision, but from my experience I greatly encourage everyone to go for natural and leave the epidural anesthesia and the c-section for when it`s really needed for medical reasons or other specific situations. I think it`s very important not to reject it just because you fear pain. I invite women and men to at least get to know more about Lamaze childbirth education before deciding.  I`m convinced that everybody should at least go once to a Lamaze childbirth education lesson, even if at the end you can`t have a natural birth or choose not to have it. The knowledge and experience received is worthy for life itself not only for childbirth; for welcoming, bonding and educating your baby; for accepting and living motherhood and for uniting the couple.

I want to share that I couldn´t understand how women could say they had forgotten the pain and difficult moments. Even more, I found ridiculous that some said they had “enjoyed” it. Now I know I can´t “forget” because that my first child birth´s day was a traumatic experience. However, after the second child birth´s day, I can confirm that it`s true, if you are respected and supported you “forget” the hard part and only keep nice memories craved in your heart. To be honest, I must admit I´m very rational and I wasn´t completely sure I could make it, so I´ll need a third one to feel more confident in order to affirm that I “enjoyed” it, but I really believe it`s possible.

Finally, the only thing I`ll tell to new, expecting parents about preparing for baby birth`s day is to believe in yourselves; know what you want and fight for it; and above all, love each other a lot and get used to teamwork because that`s what your child will need! You´ll discover that for your kids you can do more than you could have ever imagined and you will constantly experience happiness in a unique way! It`s completely true that your life won`t be the same never again and you`ll be always smiling in tears, some of pain or joy, but always smiling…